Note: this article is satire. To the best of my knowledge, Michele Bachmann has never proposed this.
Michele Bachmann has finally found an answer to her low-gas-prices crusade. The press release follows below:
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Michele Bachmann (R-MN) today announced a plan that she claimed would bring gas prices down to a historic low of $0.34/gal. Bachmann's plan would significantly expand domestic oil drilling by drilling every square inch of the Twin Cities metropolitan area.
Bachmann demanded that her plan be immediately moved to the first item of business. "Congress is wasting their time trying to conserve energy and develop alternative energy sources," wrote Bachmann in a letter to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, "when the answer to our energy problems is so obvious." In light of the problem being solved by her bill, Bachmann subsequently voted against five different bills intended to make a dent in gas prices.
Independent experts have refuted most of Bachmann's claims, saying that there is no oil under the Twin Cities. Bachmann, however, claims that they simply do not want gas prices to decrease. She pointed to a Heritage Foundation study that showed drilling the entire Twin Cities region would result in an immediate 90 percent decrease in the price of oil worldwide. In addition, Bachmann's bill would fund investments in new technology to obtain oil from asphalt, which is abundant in Twin Cities parking lots.
Residents of Minneapolis, Saint Paul, and all of their suburbs will have 3 days from passage of the bill to move out of their homes.
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2 comments:
HAR! Except the #1 rule of satire is not telling the reader it's satire.
Don't joke about this. We never know what she'll do next! :-)
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